"Bus Stop"...

*Here I'm back at the "Bus Stop" once again.

Today I had sudden urge of catching a glimpse of Stam, so I decided to make a visit to the "Bus Stop" again. * Yeah, again...* Right after work, I took a bus over.

On the way, the thought of getting off the bus and turn back flooded my mind, but my body doesnt seems to be reacting to any of those thoughts.

Upon reaching, I can see that the lights are off at his workplace. I was disappointed yet relieved to know that he's not there. I picked up all the courage that I have to walk over slowly back to the place, where we had all of our best and memorable memories. Every steps were heavy and not easy. It gets harder every step closer. Everything came back.

It has been 4 months since I last came. Things changed but the feelings remained. First thing first, the chair outside. I used to sit there watching my working baobei while waiting for him to knock off. I'm so in love with his seriousness and attitude that he possessed while working. Just like the song, I just can't take my eyes off him.

Just as I walked alittle bit closer, his bike slowly came into my vision. I hesistated. Knowing that he wouldnt go home without his bike, I guess that he should be somewhere near. "Maybe he went out for dinner with his boss?", "His bike is spoilt, leaving him the choice of leaving it behind?" I started asking myself tons and tons of questions. I slowly peeped in and the only thing I saw is darkness, reconfirming his absence. Thinking that he might come back anytime and not wanting to let him see me, I decided to wait at the "Bus Stop".


*Views taken from the "Bus Stop" opposite his workplace.

Waited for not more than 5 minutes, I started convincing myself that maybe he wont be back that soon, or maybe I could just go back for awhile? All the "maybe-ssss" just keep coming in.

After some strugglings, I'm back. I slowly walk towards his bike which is parked behind the locked gate. I stared at the bike and tears came rolling down. We had all kinds of memories with his bike, all the happy and sad ones. In fact, I have been regretting for not taking pictures of his bike and most importantly, with him. Therefore, I feel strongly that I should grab the opportunity of doing it now. I took out my phone and started snapping.


*Really wanted to take better pictures but these're the best I could get given the conditions there. I mean I dont want to get caught climbing into some other's property, just because I wanted to take some pictures of the bike and updating them into my blog! I don't think any police will buy that...

After a few satisfied shots, I walked to the back where we had our very first "Candlelight dinner", which he had thoughtfully prepared for me with weeks of preparations. I started recalling that day when I walked in, towards a route with twinkling lights, red wine and dinner, all prepared by him. Indeed, that's not a very ideal place for such romantic event, but the atmosphere he created for me is definitely unreplaceable by anything, anyone. Tears again.

So afraid to be spotted by the uncle outside the kiosk, I started telling myself that I can't stay here any longer, I gotta leave. Seriously, its difficult for me to walk in in the beginning, but its nothing to compare with what it takes to convince myself to walk out of that place, with the thought knowing that I might not have a chance like today again.

Back at the "Bus Stop", I waited for another 3 hours before I decided to give up. During the wait, I smsed him asking if he's free to talk to me. As expected, there's no reply. Just right before I hail a cab, I decided to call him. My heartbeat accelerated as the ringing goes and as usual, I was led to the voicemail.

"Alright", I told myself. Got into a cab and went home.

Back at home, I repeatedly looked at the pictures I took earlier. I couldnt sleep, neither could I stop tearing. I know I've to be strong and get over my "low tides". I told myself I must not cry, I can't cry and I shouldn't cry! There's nothin worst than losing your loved ones and thats how I managed to convince myself that "at least he's still alive and healthy."

Still, I cried myself to sleep.


*The first and only picture we took together, 11months ago...

P/S: 宝贝，我好想你...

*Wondering what about "Bus Stop"? Refer to HERE for previous post.